Feelings of defeat

These are some hard times for many Americans. It`s easy to wake up each morning and feel discouraged and afraid. I know because I too fight these feelings, all the time. I have always been a “grab your bootstraps” kind of guy, but the straps are broken. That is true unless I view everything through Christ. Oh how quaint that statement sounds…it sounds cliché, but it`s really the only true answer to life in this world.

I was a self-made man for most of my life. I owned several successful businesses and made a lot of money. I remember a time when anything I wanted, materially, I could have. The problem in my life was that I didn`t have Jesus. No matter how much money I made. No matter how many girlfriends I had. No matter how many or what kind of motorcycles I had—I was never happy. I had money, I had power, I had women, I had homes, I had cars and trucks—I had it all—and it never filled the hole inside.

I was a tuff guy. I was a second degree black belt and a certified Karate instructor. Because I grew up without a father, I loved to fight to prove my manhood. I loved to “punk out” other men. I got off on making other men tremble in my presence. As a boss in a motorcycle club, I had the power to do just that—but it was all useless garbage compared to Christ.

I say all these things to bring everything to one main point. No matter what you`re going through the positive aspect is Christ. See, I lost all of the things I listed above—all of them. At the time I lost all my money, I was mad as hell. I remember a guy threatening to report me to the authorities because I said I was headed to D.C. with a 50 cal. to set things right. I had gone back to college and was working on an English degree and I wrote political columns for the Examiner; however, all it ever brought me was anger. Recently my pastor said, “Maybe God placed President Obama in office!” Nothing I did or pursued in life satisfied my hunger—a hunger I could not explain or even understand. It was a hunger for God.

The truth for me (and maybe for some of you as well) is that in losing everything I found everything—I found Christ. With my massive ego and all my connections, in my former life, I would have never needed Christ until it was too late.

On a Saturday night in May of 2012 a club brother (one that won`t even speak to me today) said, “Brother, let`s go up to that church and pray tomorrow.” That man will never truly know what he did for me in making that suggestion. I owe him a great debt of gratitude that he will never know. I would have never gone to church. I would have never humbled myself. He claimed to be a Christian and so he thought we should pray for the answers to a problem we were having within the club at that time. Oh how the Lord works in ways we cannot see or comprehend.

That next morning I was saved. For the first time I truly met Jesus. I had a supernatural experience and my life was changed. By the next weekend I was out of my club. None of the former brothers I had would even look at me. So now, I had not only lost everything materially in my life,—but suddenly—I had lost all my friends, brothers, mentors, and my belief system. I feel chill bumps as I write this. The week this all went down I felt like I was in a total identity crisis. I felt so alone and lost. This was in spite of my experience at the foot of the cross one week earlier. This—my brothers and sisters—is the beauty of our Father in Heaven; this is where we get to truly see his version of mercy and grace. What many that I used to ride with would see as a total loss was in fact my rebirth into a new and wonderful life with Jesus. I hold no judgment or resentment toward them. That`s not my point. My point is that as a boss in the club, when I threw someone out, I always felt like, “Man, I would hate to be them.” In my case, I`m sure my old brothers and sisters thought the same, and still do; however, it was the best thing that could have happened to me, and only God knew that.

God the father knew that the only way he could ever reach me was if I lost everything—everything! He is the only true and wise King. His wisdom cannot be seen by the world, or by fools. This reminds me of when Jesus asked the disciples who they thought that he was. Peter answered, “The Christ…the Son of God.” Jesus replied, “This has not been revealed to you by flesh and blood, but by my Father in Heaven.” Meaning, spiritual truths cannot be explained with words—they must be experienced firsthand.

I think of the example of Paul. He was a man who was respected, had money, was educated, had standing in the world, and was pure according to the Laws of God; however, he stated later that he counted `ALL’ things a loss compared to Christ. I know exactly what he meant. We are never defeated my brothers and sisters. Even in death itself, in this world, we win.

I have one final point I would like to make that also puts everything in proper perspective. Compared to so many others who have followed Jesus, we here in America have it made. We have never known the kind of suffering our brothers and sisters in other nations, past and present, have suffered. I thank God for his mercy and grace. WP